Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
