Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
