oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is my gift to your gina
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
