I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He better not be in your backpack
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
