If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
