Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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