the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
