You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
