she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
