So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it hurts more in the daytime
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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