i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
