batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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