hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
