Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
