My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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