we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
