I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize