I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
