And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize