im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
