dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can I color on your dick again?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
