Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
