Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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