I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
