he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
