I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
