I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
