Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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