She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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