remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
40s are totally the cure
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
