I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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