So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
