no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
