He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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