Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize