Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
