Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
