Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
