Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
