i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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