Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
