she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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