im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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