I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
