I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
