Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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