They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
