My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
