Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
this hospital has no fireball
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
