i think i scared a bird with my dick
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize