She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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