I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
