eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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