I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
