I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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