you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
