1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
