erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
