I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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