can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
