hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
