Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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