That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dear god my vagina.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
