dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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