living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
