Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
