I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
