I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it hurts more in the daytime
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
