I can text with my tongue
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize