He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He did a backflip because drugs
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