who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
