There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
